The problem is real, people.  Having kids might seem fun.  It might even seem spiritually rewarding to foster new life, but people rarely stop at just one.  Even after just one child, studies show that your brain will be permanently impaired with total preoccupation for your child’s welfare, happiness and even the bloody tv shows they watch.  I used to be able to quote the whole first four episodes of the 90s ninja turtles cartoon.  The WHOLE four episodes, line by line.  Here… here’s an example I’m just going to type off the top of my head:

RAPHAEL: Does the phrase “Go Suck a Lemon” mean anything to you???  Let’s cut him down!!!

SHREDDER:  Very well, I have my own mutants.  Bebop!  Rocksteady!  ATTACK!


ROCKSTEADY: GROWL You got it mister Shredder!


DONATELLO: Good thing the mutation didn’t up their IQs any…

….I could go on but I won’t.  I can’t.  I just have drips and drabs of my perfect childhood left and what could be a lifetime of Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, La-La & Po ahead of me, corrupting my cool 90s thoughts.